Like Becky Henry, I am an "unwilling expert" on eating disorders. Her amazing new book, Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders, captures the wisdom of over 40 families. It is an invaluable guide for understanding and helping someone who is suffering from an eating disorder, especially for those family members feeling alone, scared and in need of support and guidance. This book tells our families' "real" stories!
Kitty Westin, M.A., L.P., Founder; Anna Westin Foundation
Email from a Parent Program Participant (shared with permission):
A few words about how you- the Hope Network has helped me as a support for my daughter in regard to her eating disorder.
When I first was working with you I was so emotionally exhausted from the four years of supporting my now adult daughter that I had lost myself. I was constantly stressed and not sleeping. I just felt I was surviving and certainly not thriving.
With the one-on-one coaching with you, I gave myself permission to step out of the constant state of being on alert, to taking steps to care for myself again. I pushed past some very deep fears and began to do things to enrich my life as I once had as a regular practice.
I began seeing friends again and traveling. I let my daughter see that life was no longer on hold for her eating disorder by my just living again. In response, my daughter began to start living as I stopped being vigilant.
She is still in recovery but doing so much better and feels overall that she too has her life back. By parents not living fully in spite of eating disorders, the disorders take on even more power. Thanks Becky for the guidance to get where we now are.
Email from a Parent Program Participant (shared with permission):
“Becky has been a shining light for me, both in dealing with my own eating disorder and those of so many people that I love.
Becky has brought the “forbidden topic” of eating disorders out into the open so that we can shed some light upon it and heal in community.
It helps so much to know this is not “our fault”.
We are not defective because we have an eating disorder.
We can learn how to live healthy lifestyles despite this disorder.
Thank you so much Becky for the work you have done to help us heal.
P. (A MOM)
Email from a Parent Program Participant (shared with permission):
It's good to hear from you. Here's a bit of feedback for you.
- I learned to distinguish when my daughter was speaking from her authentic self and when the eating disorder was speaking. I learned to ask her "What do you think I just said?" We could then have a true conversation rather than each of us responding to a misinterpretation based on faulty thinking.
- I learned how to tell her I was concerned in a way that she could hear my concerns. I learned to speak up with my concerns and then not avoid the topic or bring it up all the time.
- Having a group to discuss my concerns was also very helpful. I didn't feel so alone with the topic.
And thanks again for the support I received from the group, from coaching, and from reading the book. It changed me and had such a positive impact on K. She is at University in the first year of her post graduate studies and is doing well!
Email from Parent Consultation - name shared with permission:
I could have written pages about this, haha !! Please feel free to share our name with whomever you need to. I'm not sure if I ever properly thanked you....Thank you, I know you must speak with many many parents/caregivers daily. What you gave to us was a gift. The gift to help us help our daughter. You gave us the "permission" to need support ourselves. We thought we were supposed to have ALL the answers. We didn't. We have a better understanding now. Finding a family based therapist was thee best thing we ever did. It certainly cut out alot of years of useless therapy."
"Early on, before we even found our family based therapist, I had a consultation with Becky Henry. I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed and ill equipped with dealing with our daughter’s eating disorder. I also felt incredibly alone. My husband and I would cry ourselves to sleep most nights. Our family simply did NOT understand.
I would say that the Hope Network was the first resource I used to help us. Becky was referred to us by another Mom who had been successfully consulting with Becky. I never before that moment considered getting help for Me and my husband. Our main concern at the time was our daughter who was medically unstable and was exhibiting some disturbing behaviour.
Being supported as a care giver, I believe, is Vital to the success of the person suffering from an eating disorder. Eating disorders are a multi faceted disease. The average person doesn’t know anything about it and even the family going through has very little understanding of it. After speaking with Becky, I realized there was NO way our family would get through this unless we established therapy that included ALL of us. My husband and I heard for the first time that we were doing the RIGHT thing. Music to our ears. Beforehand we were kept out of our daughter’s treatment. I was second guessing my instincts as a Mother. I have to say that dealing with our daughter’s ED has been and remains one of THEE most difficult things we have Ever gone through. Had we not reached out to get support for ourselves, I personally feel like we would have never had the energy, resources or strength to go on.
Our child today, nearly a year later, is in recovery. She has comorbid issues but has NO issues with food. She is moving closer and closer everyday to an independent, healthy, vibrant life as a 21 year old.
Alida and Paul Rovetto"
An Amazon Reviewer said:
Perfect selection of insight and information, May 10, 2011
This review is from: Just Tell Her To Stop - Family Stories of Eating Disorders (Paperback) <http://www.amazon.com/Just-Tell-Her-Stop-Disorders/dp/0984548904/ref=cm_aya_orig_subj>
I HIGHLY recommend this book! As the parent of someone who has had an eating disorder for many years, I've read my share of books on this topic. One of my frustrations is how to tell those I'm close to what it's like to go through this experience. There have been many books with great stuff, but I was always afraid that my loved ones would think that our experience was exactly the same or assume we couldn't possibly be going through the horrors described by a particular writer. This book solves that frustration since each story in here had something in common with our story and the volume of very challenging accounts puts to rest the notion that our situation couldn't really be that bad.
This is the perfect arrangement for a book on this topic--it shares so many different experiences, which alone provides comfort for those managing a disease which fosters so much isolation and shares resources, many of which I was not familiar with - even after all these years. It gives accounts from the perspective of mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents, those who have recovered and those still struggling, whether they be male or female.
I have found this disease to be emotionally and physically exhausting and finding so much of what I want in one book was a miracle. I just hope Becky Henry doesn't stop with this one.
I have picked it up just to reread parts, as well as for reference reasons many times. By the way, when I finished it, I immediately ordered three more copies, because my copy isn't ever leaving my house. "Robin"
This is the most down to earth book i have ever read.I read it over the
weekend and at the end of it i thought to myself,this person wrote this
book for me.
At last i could identify with someone, there was someone in that book who had walked the same road as me,someone who had recovered....no miraculous cure, but lots of soothing balm, lots of encouragement and every time i feel isolated i pick up this brilliant book. ~ ZYLA
“A wonderful reference for all families and friends who have a loved one struggling with an eating disorder in order to provide hope and excellent information in how to navigate the rough waters. I really believe it will be a must-read for all my families. Becky has compiled this well researched resource that is full of sound, practical advice.”
Susan Buesing LMFT LD
"Excellent book for everyone to read! Gives insight as to how most of the preconceived notions about eating disorders are wrong and that each case is different. Great respect from me to you Becky Henry!"
Chevese Turner, Founder, President of BEDA www.bedaonline.com
“I had the opportunity to read your book. It is really terrific and so well written.
I have bought so many books, but what I liked about yours was that it offered something different. It's like no other book that I read. Typically, we have the 'clinical books' and then the books written by the sufferers detailing their experiences. But the experiences, stories and tips from the parents were wonderful. You were able to weave your research with the experiences and stories. Your research information was not overwhelming - just enough. The stories were great!
Again, I loved all the tips, which are so very useful to parents and other family members and the variety of stories.
Congratulations on doing an amazing job with this book! This is a wonderful resource for parents and loved ones of people with eating disorders.
Thank you for writing it. I am honored to know you and am grateful for your wonderful book - which is a gift to parents.”
Cathy Vee, Parent
As a retired college counselor and parent of a daughter with an eating disorder, I was greatly moved by Becky Henry’s book, Just Tell Her To Stop. Becky has really done her homework, collecting dozens of stories from parents and patients. This is an excellent resource for parents, patients, health and mental health professionals.
Becky’s book should be required reading for all allied health and medical students as well. This devastating disease can kill, therefore more needs to be learned by the public and by those who design and provide treatment to make our efforts more successful.
This book is for people who find themselves
involved in the downward spiral of anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating, or
anything in between. We can all
learn from the riveting stories told in Just Tell Her To Stop. ~ Christian
Author, Motivational Speaker
Author, Then I Am Strong, Moving from my Mother’s Daughter to God’s Child
"Many of my clients are parents and teens struggling with eating disorders. The teens aren’t sure they even want help and are afraid of gaining weight. The parents are afraid of losing their children to a battle with an eating disorder. Mostly, they all just want it to stop. I cannot tell you have many times I have recommended Becky’s book to clients and friends. Her story-telling method is just what my clients need. They read her book and realize that she “gets” them. With 20 stories to choose from, every client has been able to find at least one that resonates with them. Just Tell Her to Stop is a powerful testament to the effect an eating disorder can have on the life of not only the person who has been diagnosed, but also everyone around him or her. At the same time it offers the advice you need to hear to help yourself, your family, and your friends who suffer with eating disorders." ~ Mary E. Pritchard, PhD, EmBody Heart and Mind, Author of the upcoming Diet is a 4-Letter Word: The Psychology of Eating. www.maryepritchard.com
2013 - Los Angeles Book Festival - Just Tell Her to Stop won Honorable Mention in the General Non-Fiction category.
2011 Independent Publisher Book Award (IPPY) - Just Tell Her to Stop won in the National Category for Mental Health/Psychology May 23, 2011 Awards Ceremony in NYC. :
October 22, 2012 - Twin Cities Orthopedics - "Preparing for Surgery. Does Weight Matter?" CEU's offered.
October 13, 2012 - Writers Rock! Workshop - Century College - Self-Publishing Panel
September 15, 2012 - The Loft Literary Center, Minneapolis. Panel on Self-publishing and book marketing.
February 23, 2012 - NEDAW event at The Emily Program Foundation "Art and Eating Disorders" Open Mic night.
Nov 3, 2011 Moderator of Q & A with Dr. James Lock, Stanford Univ. at F.E.A.S.T. Symposium, Alexandria, VA http://www.feast-ed.org/Alexandria2011.aspx
Nov 17, 2011 Moms of Teens Group - Christ Presbyterian Church http://www.cpconline.org/index.php?content=momsofteens
October 11th & 12th - Timberline Knolls Treatment Center - Lemont, IL
August 22, 2011 - Common Good Books & The Emily Program Foundation host, "Joy and Hope - A discussion with Kathleen MacDonald of the Eating Disorders Coalition (EDC) Washington, DC & Becky Henry of Hope Network" Moderated by Kitty Westin.
The Emily Program Foundation Recovery Night - July 12th http://emilyprogramfoundation.org/community/recovery-night/
"Including Families in the Treatment of Eating Disorders-What difference does it make?"
Becky Henry’s story of how she learned first-hand about eating disorders with an experience with her 14 year old daughter.
Where do our families turn when they are being torn apart?
Where can one mother talk to another mother?
Families also want answers to questions that range from simple–to almost unanswerable.
Here are some common questions and my answers:Learn more
Read ‘Testimonials’ from families I have helped and inspired as well as support from healing experts.
Just wanted to drop you a note to thank you for all your help and support. Your guidance and wisdom was invaluable during one of the toughest times of my life. You always listened to me and then made sure I had a goal each week to help keep myself sane through all the trials of having a child with anorexia. Your knowledge and network of information was very helpful. I could not have gotten through it without you." ~ Toni C.
“Thank you for writing it.” I am honored to know you and am grateful for your wonderful book - which is a gift to parents.
~ Cathy Vee, ParentRead testimonials about Becky Henry's Book Just Tell Her To Stop
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